my god... it's finally over, it's actually finally over. finished. no more left to say or do. i finally won the war waging against me.
finally nothing and no one left to fight.
with no more fighting what happens now? i'm stuck in this so called no man's land. i long for even i mind made oasis, but even that is too much - to much for me to bear. i have nothing left in me, no where left to go.
where do i go from here? someone please tell me.

to rid myself of these intense feelings i need to do something that would hurt dearly those close to me...would break a promise unbreakable.
but the temptation is almost irresistable, so enticing is the kiss of the cold sharpness and icy sting.... it makes me float on a cloud of ecstacy. if only i knew how to recreate those feelings without breaking my promise...it's so tempting it hurts. i look and see the now healed wounds. i cant go there again. not again. not now.


the war is finally over, but was it a true victory? i dont yet know.

i wish i could name this feeling. it is unfamiliar to me.

i wish i knew where to go from here....